Glossary of Kids' Kitchen Terms


APPETIZING: Anything advertised on TV.

BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck" before a food is even tasted.

CASSEROLE: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.

CHAIR: Spot left vacant by mid-meal bathroom visit.

COOKIE (Last One): Item that must be eaten in front of a sibling.

CRUST: Part of a sandwich saved for the starving children of [ ] China, [ ] India, [ ] Africa or [ ] Mid-East (check one).

DESSERTS: The reason for eating a meal.

EVAPORATE: Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.

FAT: Microscopic substance detected visually by children on pieces of meat they do not wish to eat.

FLOOR: Place for all food not found on lap or chair.

FORK: Eating utensil made obsolete by discovery of fingers.

FRIED FOODS: Gourmet cooking

FROZEN: Condition of children's jaws when spinach is served.

FRUIT: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.

GERMS: The only thing kids will share freely.

KITCHEN: The only room not used when eating crumbly snacks.

LEFTOVERS: Commonly described as "gross."

LIVER: A food that affects genes, creating a hereditary dislike.

LOLLIPOP: A snack provided by people who don't have to pay dental bills.

MACARONI: Material for a collage.

MEASURING CUP: A kitchen utensil usually stored in the sandbox.

METRIC: A system of measurement that will be accepted only after forty years of wandering in the desert.

NAPKIN: Any warm cloth object, such as shirt or pants.

NATURAL FOOD: Food eaten with unwashed hands.

NUTRITION: Secret war waged by parents using direct commands, camouflage, and constant guard duty.

PLATE: A breakable Frisbee.

REFRIGERATOR: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.

SALIVA: A medium for blowing bubbles.

SODA POP: Shake'N Spray.

TABLE: A place for storing gum.

TABLE LEG: Percussion instrument

THIRSTY: How your child feels after you've said your final "good night."

VEGETABLE: A basic food known to satisfy kid's hunger -- but only by sight.

WATER: The cola of underdeveloped countries.