A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.

A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

A young child is a noise with dirt on it.

A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.

Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Familiarity breeds children.

For adult education, nothing beats children.

Lord invented mothers because He couldn't be everywhere at once.

Lord invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

Having children will turn you into your parents.